I have been doing a lot of self reflection over the past few months. I have had dreams come true of finally publishing my Audiobook and I have seen dreams fade away before they could even see the light of the world… The light of my World. No I don’t have my own planet but by “My World” it’s my life, it’s my heart, it’s the hopes I have for my life and those in it, it’s the dreams that I seek and hope to find. During this “self reflection” and listening to my Audio Book I thought of so many things that I didn’t include and wish that I had and then I will randomly be telling a story or I will hear a song and I bought a notebook and I write these thoughts down because I don’t want them to get lost again.

So many times I tell my friends, family, acquaintances, or whomever comes into my life that I love them and the truth is I do… With each friendship or relationship that comes into my life I don’t just accept people into my life I accept them into my heart… Believe me it’s not intentional and at times I wish that I had a switch to turn it off but at the same time I don’t want to flip that switch because it’s what makes me who I am… When people ask me to tell them about myself what I would really like to say is that, “I am me! I am on a journey of self discovery that I think we are all on and yes so many people may seem to have their lives together… Do they? Why do people put on a front? We post only the HAPPY photos on social media and we want to show you part of our lives but that’s not who I am; I don’t just put on happy faces for people yet then again I do because well what can I say Life must go on! The Show Must Go On! We Must Go On!”

So yea that’s kind of where I am I am trying to find my place in the world and I think that it scares people at times which is honestly why I feel that I am single because I am ME! Nothing will ever change that and in all honesty I don’t want change I want to be loved for who I am and not for my job, not for my connections and the people that I know, not for the people that I work with… I want someone to love me for me… I want to find my person and share my life with whoever God blesses me with. I don’t date and in all honestly part of it is because I am scared of getting hurt again but at the same time it would be nice to have someone seek me out, I am so tired of doing all the work…. So I am content with my life I just want to share it with someone who can love me in the same way that I love them…

Love has no age, it has no limits. I saw an article on the news just the other day of a couple that were 74 and they were high school sweethearts but life took them in other directions and they found each other all these years later and they found the Happy Ending that was written for them in the stars many moons ago…

I often say that I speak in song lyrics, movie quotes, and quotes by other people… I had the chance to tell Betty Who how much her music means to me! I just adore her! (SHE IS AN AMAZING SINGER AND IF YOU DON’T KNOW HER MUSIC LOOK HER UP! SHE IS BEYOND AMAZING SHE IS LIFE CHANGING!) For example she has a song called Right Here and some of the lyrics say:

"There's a pounding in my chest It's getting hard to breathe morning's coming but not yet so take your time with me whisper sweet and pull me close never let me go never let me go. You could stay here in my arms so tight We could lay here in this perfect night I could love you if you'd let me dear so stay right here...Stay right here”

Just those few lyrics alone pull on my heart strings, in all honesty so many of her songs feel like she pulled the words straight from my heart.

Along with music and quotes I have always related to movies and one movie in particular that has touched my heart and made the most sense to me is Titanic… As you read this you may be asking yourself, “A sinking ship? Is Josh crazy?” Well yes I am crazy but the movie Titanic has touched my life in so many ways and it has helped me process the finding of love, losing love, moving on after love, trying to find that adventure in life and going on without that special person. In the theme Song Celine Dion sings, “Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime…” These words are so true; not just in love but in the love of friendship and the adventure of life. One of my favorite quotes from Titanic is when Jack and Rose are down in the car and he says, “Where to, Miss?” and Rose says, “To the stars…” In the back seat of that car they “went to the stars that night and as funny as this is I too found the stars in the back of a car and the windows were foggy and my handprint was on the window and we both laughed and I took a picture of the window because this truly was a to the stars moment in my life… On my journey I seek life, adventure, love, and all the things we hope to find in life because that’s all that we can do. Yes life throws many obstacles our way yet it throws so many blessings along with it….

I know it may sound weird but sometimes I feel like Rose from Titanic; she found true love and lost it yet she kept her promise to seek life and honor his memory… These are just random thoughts and I am all over the place with this but I just want to find someone to be with that I can make happy and that can in return make me happy as well.

Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies when the rain comes it’s those standing out there with you or those bringing you an umbrella that truly make the biggest impacts on our hearts.

Yes I’m very nostalgic (Hence what I am writing….) But at the same time life is this path that we are all on and I can only hope and pray that I experience everything that I can throughout my time here on this planet.  But I do have the love of friendship and family and that truly is one of the greatest loves of all; friends aren't just there when its convenient...They are there for you anytime even if it's just a text message to check on you... Speaking of standing in the rain.... Funny story.... In life and friendships I think that the things that happen on the way are what help our frienships grow... We were supposed to go camping and had the tent set up and everything but we had an event so we would be coming back to the campground after hours so we had to open a gate with two deadbolt combinations... Well... Naturally we are an hour away and the lightning strikes all around (I think you can see where this is going....) At some points we were driving ahead of the storm and at others we were right in it... We got so drenched but we got that "Easy to open gate" open (actually it is easy to open if it's not coming a hurricane around you haha) but we got our stuff and the tent and it truly was an epic moment, sure we didn't get to camp but we did get the thrill and rush of bonding in the rain freezing from the cold and naturally I had skinny jeans on so those were so not easy to peel off haha but it's truly times like these you learn to live again... It's times like these that make friendships stronger and in the future it will be like, "Remember when we tried to camp..."  Life can be a storm on you or you can have a friend there beside you fighting every step of the way....

God places people in our lives for a reason and over this past weekend I met a girl who had on a shirt that said Perfectly Imperfect and she told me that she wrote stories for her school about it and that was her motto in life and I too and going to adopt her motto and be Perfectly Imperfect because those are two words that describe us all, no matter our age, gender, race, sexuality, or outlook on life nothing in our lives is perfect and one thing that I want to stress is be who you are and be who makes you happy! Don’t change for anyone because if someone is worth your love, your time, and your energy then they need to realize that we are who we are and who we are is amazing…. We are all Perfectly Imperfect in on our way….

I apologize for getting all emo on the love train in this passage it just sucks when you have so many wonderful people in your life that you could be enjoying your life with and life is just passing us all by….